Wednesday, January 28, 2009

 

What am I doing here?
This is one of those days where I question what in the world am I doing? I've been painting and writing and painting and writing which I love and it feels wonderful most of the time. But then I hit days where I question whether the world really needs more "stuff" and more "words". And closer in does my world need more "STUFF" or more "WORDS?" Is it enough to just like creating all this? Chances are it ain't gonna sell...poetry rarely sells (I take it back...I just sold 3 poems for $5 each). Most of the time the poet has to pay someone to even read their stuff, much less pay for it. So what am I doing here? And what would make it seem like enough? Affirmations help, for sure. What else? Most success seems to be measured by money so that would be nice. But since that ain't happening, what keeps me keeping on? What keeps any artist keeping on? Is it egocentric of us to blog and hope that someone will read it or do we do it just to keep track of our thoughts and lives? For me, mostly the latter but I do love it when someone comments. Like, wow! Someone noticed me. Maybe for the same reason I read other blogs...to find the common ground and relish our shared humanity.
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7 comments:

Katherine said...

I'm a member of SCN Circle #12 and just had to look at your blog. The flower in your blog post -- is it blooming somewhere now? Wow. I'm buried in snow and not being a very good sport about it. See. You were there to give another person hope that flowers still bloom somewhere.

Kay Cox said...

That picture is of a dahlia in Buchart Gardens, Victoria, BC last Sept. but my azaleas are in full bloom.

Knitting Painter Woman said...

I don't know what we're here for either. I think WE get to decide though. So, sometimes it's to make my cat's life sweeter or love my children or see if middle aged women can learn to paint realisticly (or in a merely entertaining way). Mostly I think everything is a happy Newtonian accident... and that's fine.
Namaste, just the same!

Andrea said...

You know what? Write for fun and paint for you. That's all that you can go with and if someone else likes it, all the better!!

winna said...

you're close to being me--and I often joke about the "Ding Dong Jill Is Gone Tag Sale"----that will take place upon my demise---they think it's really funny----I have to see it as what was meant to be...your work is awesome!

Kristin said...

oh well, you've hit on the head of the zit on this one -and a topic I eventually grapple with no matter what I'm doing. Except Mothering - that is the only area where I don't wonder at the point of it - all other areas I wonder. Imagine Kay, if you were working at a shit hole job that you hated which barely paid your bills an no one noticed that you had anything special about you outside of the phone you answer or the notes you type up on a whim for some very important sales person in the office. Now, take a deep breath and say it - it's right there on your tongue - Thank GOD that's not me. But even when you get to do what you want, there's a point where it all feels so meaningless. Because you're right, these words have already been written in some way before, these sentiments have already been shared, art is beauty that will eventually fade away like everything else. There's an entire chapter on meaningnessless in the Bible and I continually think on it when the grey sets in and it suddenly seems strange that I do anything, knowing it will all eventually fade to oblivion.
I have no answers for you, just echoing the question, which echoes the question which reverberates up to heaven and back and in between it touches the hearts and souls of so many other restless artists, mothers and down to earth people who continually wonder, "What the Hell Am I Doing" I'll say for my part, thank you for writing this. And thank you for being here in the blog world because you've touched my life in a genuine and authentic way.
And seriously, I'd love to frame some of your stuff and put it in my house..if you're really dying to get rid of it. We've got lots of wall space. I might need help figuring out where to pound the nail though - I have OCD fears about putting up artwork. It's very strange.

Paula Cravens said...

Kay, I can appreciate how you feel about not selling art. There are better ways that I could make money but now that I'm painting, it's like a drug I can't (won't) give up. And for a real selfish reason, the reason you need to paint and write is for me...It lifts My heart!